Listening to Dave Schmelzer of VCF Greater Boston talk about relationships.

Here’s a nugget: He talked about his first experience with a small group. Each week he’d decide whether he was going to go or not.

Three or four weeks into it, he had a friend ask him how it was going. That friend told Dave that he’d never get what he wanted from the group and from God if he were hemming-and-hawing about going each week. “You need to pre-decide to go. Make this a priority. It’s just something you do.”


I really like it. No matter how much we like people or small groups, we don’t emotionally commit to others if we’re hemming and hawing before we go. But if we pre-decide, something shifts.

I find it to be the same with things like tithing too. If I’m trying to decide every paycheck whether or not to tithe, it’s awful. Hemming and hawing. Playing mind games with myself. Being upset with God for being confusing.

But when I pre-decided to tithe, an emotional shift happened. It’s now a none issue. It can be uncomfortable at times but it’s still a done deal.

Pre-decide. Folks at church will probably be hearing me say that from now on!

The whole sermon is here: The Glue Behind All Great Relationships.

Marc A. Pitman

Marc A. Pitman helps leaders lead their teams with more effectiveness and less stress. The author of "Ask Without Fear!®," he is the founder of The Concord Leadership Group and He's also the executive director of and an Advisory Panel member of Rogare, a prestigious international fundraising think tank. He is the husband to his best friend and the father of three amazing kids. And if you drive by him on the road, he’ll be singing 80’s tunes loud enough to embarrass his family! You can connect with him on Google+, on Twitter @marcapitman, and like "Ask Without Fear!" on Facebook. To get his free ebook on 21 ways to get board members engaged with fundraising, go to

This Post Has One Comment

  1. jon

    that one word changed a bunch of how I counsel and sometimes even how I live a few years ago. It helps people prepare for conversations that are difficult, temptations that are inevitable, relationships that are challenging, events that ALWAYS explode (like holidays with family). Great application here.

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