Marc's Musings

Got a call earlier today from a joint venture partner. My first thought was:

“He’s calling it off. The project is over.”

Why do I do this? I’m pretty much an over-the-top optimist. The glass is always full: sometimes full of liquid, sometimes full of air. It’s always full.

There really is always a silver lining. There is always a seed of equal or greater benefit in even in the worst experiences.

So why do I do automatically jump to the negative?

Deeply rooted pattern

This pattern of thinking has gotten me in trouble before. I’ve had it with just about every boss over the last couple decades. When they asked to see me, I just knew they were going to fire me.

Totally irrational. They may have been wanting to say something good for all I know!

The problem is, I come to the meeting radiating defensiveness rather than collaboration. Not the best mindset to approach any meeting (other than one that you really do need to be defensive in!).

Paths

I’ve heard that with the brain, a thought pattern is like a path. The more it’s traveled, the more worn the path gets. Eventually, the path is a paved city street.

It takes a lot less energy to travel a paved street than a dirt path. So in a way, the brain is gravitating toward the path of least resistance.

Bushwhacking

I guess the only way to solve this is to force myself to think good thoughts when I see the doom-and-gloom start to raise its ugly head.

When I start thinking dark thoughts, I will have to take out my mental machete and force myself to think of a great thing that could happen.

If I get another call that leads me down the thought path I mentioned above, I could add:

…perhaps…He could be calling to call this off. OR, he could be calling to celebrate a breakthrough.

What do you do to retrain your brain?

Today the Pitman family is celebrating God’s goodness in our lives.

You see, after the political campaign, we decided it was a great time for me to be self-employed. I had a couple books to finish writing. I was going out to Seattle to record a couple fundraising training DVDs. And there was an online community that was getting started. All three things looked profitable in the near term.

Seemed like a good idea at the time. Five months later, neither book had been picked up by a publisher, neither DVD had been produced (despite both being filmed), and the online community was helping people but not generating any revenue.

Things weren’t going exactly as we’d planned. But we still really believed that God was calling us to this journey of self-employment. So I’d fallen into a pattern of trying to promote FundraisingCoach.com and looking for a major gifts job.

Talk about split vision! “How is your fundraising training plan for this year? Oh, you’re alset? Ok…could I apply for that a job you have open?” I never did that but I probably came across that way! I was trying to provide for my family but it was not exactly inspiring confidence in clients!

You have a year

As I remember it, on this day last year my wife and I had another teary, stressed out conversation about our life. At the conclusion, she said, “You have a year to make this work.”

What a gift! You see, she didn’t say it in the tone of, “You idiot, you have one year to get your act together!” She was giving me permission to focus 100% on Fundraising Coach. Trusting that that would provide for our family.

What a year it’s been

The books still aren’t published, the online community isn’t producing income, and only one of the fundraising training DVDs has been produced. But this year has been amazing:

• But I’ve been able to speak all over the country and even internationally.
• I’ve gotten a lot smarter about running a business. (I use contracts now. Hadn’t even done that before!)
• My wife and I have started blogging about being a traveling spouse and staying married. (She’s an excellent writer. And we make a great team, if I do say so myself!)
• I’ve received some great honors.

As my wife said recently, “This is our life now!” And it is.

So today we celebrate

We’ve worked our tails of as a family. Last week, when we were asking the kids what they’d be grateful for, our 9 year old said she thanks God that I’ve taken all the risks I have since the Peter Mills campaign because we get to do what we are doing.

And today, we’re taking a cue from Deuteronomy 14:22-26 and celebrating God’s goodness in our lives. Today is filled with family, a new Wii game we can all enjoy (Super Mario Kart), steak and garlic mash potatoes, and reveling in God.

What about you? How do you celebrate?

Update: For my wife’s take on this year, check out her post We Did It.

In 33 days, I’ll be 40.

Last week, visiting the place where my 39 year old cousin lives, I was asked, “Are you his father?” [Click on that link to see my Facebook update and the resulting comments.]

Really? He’s just a few months younger than I am!?

*sigh*

Perhaps it was that comment that finally spurred me on to this nostalgic “turning 40″ blog post. 4 whole decades on planet Earth. Honestly, overall, I’m really looking forward to the 40′s.

The 20′s were great

I traveled alot internationally (living in Jerusalem; extended visits to Greece and India; and a missions trip to Mexico). I moved at least ten times. And it was largely filled with the newly married emotional mix of the amazing possibilities for our future and the startling reality shocks of life. Trying to figure out employment and budgets and parenting and wanting to discover what I wanted to do with the rest of my life while honoring my wife and my role as a new dad.

The 30′s were great too

Wonderful in many ways. Our family grew to five. I completed my Masters and become a Certified Franklin Covey Coach. I even got to fulfill a life long dream of planting a church and pastoring it for almost 4 years.

Thanks to encouragement, and a kick in the pants from my wife, I started brewing my own beer. My first book was published. I did my first radio and TV interviews (and loved them!). I even started teaching a college course in internet marketing.

And in what seems nicely settling, I think we only moved 4 or 5 times. (And what was not “nicely settling,” my already slow metabolism seemed to go in reverse. *sigh*)

Is this it?

But so much of my 30′s was filled with my desk job, haunted by the nagging question, “Is this it? Is this what the rest of my life will look like?”

I felt a constant pressure to “settle for” what I was doing. I found this particularly pulling–and depressing–in my day job in Central Maine. “Settling for” did make sense. I had an great wife and three cool kids to think about. I should just grow up, give up on the dreams I’d written in my teens, and accept that life isn’t about dreams. After all, I had a great job and a wonderful family. Who was I to want more?

“Who are you to want more?” and “Just accept this as God’s best and settle for what you’ve got” haunted me during my work days.

Ok. Re-reading the stuff that happened to me in my 30′s makes the “settle for” question seem laughable. Some amazing things happened to me. Hey, I even was honored by being chosen one of Maine’s first “40 under 40″ a few months ago!

But to me, “settling for” amounts to do something that felt less than living my life’s purpose. I want to use my gifts to God’s glory and to their fullest extent, providing not just a comfortable life but one that would let my wife and kids each excel at their life callings while actively helping expand the Kingdom of God.

The 40′s will be awesome

I think I’m really looking forward to the 40′s largely because I have an amazing wife and because I serve an incredible God. My wife has been really supportive in some end-of-the-30s career choices that have opened up the world of speaking and training for me. And I’m really excited to see her re-discovering her voice. We’re a great team and will get to explore that even more in the next decade. We’ve even started doing a fun “He said. She said.” blog thing together!

In the last year, I got to speak all over the US and in New Zealand, Bermuda, and Mexico. I’ve got a couple more books ready to come out and another fundraising training DVD. My existing writing is currently being translated into Polish and I have requests for it to be translated into Russian and Spanish too.

As I approach 40, I’m far more confident in who I am and what I do well. And I’m really comfortable in what I don’t do well. (I focus on strengths but I firmly believe God has endowed us with limits to force us to rely on other people.)

Are you his father?

So as I am less then 3 dozen days away from 40, and despite having been perceived as the father of a 39 year old, I am looking forward to what lies ahead!

This month’s meat pie turned into 3 pies:

1. My daughter wanted another bacon and egg pie.
2. But the recipe seemed so easy, I tried a new steak pie.
3. And threw in a cheese and onion for good measure.

We were eating pie for days!

The bacon and egg is just that: 6-7 eggs, lots of bacon, and some cheese in a pie crust.

The cheese and onion was simply puff pastries (I used croissant dough) filled with cheese and onions. These tasted better in subsequent days.

The steak pie was made of:

1 tablespoon olive oil
1 pound cubed steak
1 large onion, chopped
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 cup water
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1 pinch salt and pepper to taste
1 sheet frozen puff pastry, thawed (I used croissant dough)

Puff pastry must mean something else in other parts of the world. These with croissant dough were very different.

But very yummy!

Last month, I was honored to be chosen as one of Maine’s “Forty under 40.” They went across the state looking for leaders under the age of 40 who were having an impact in Maine and in the world.

Glad I made it! Especially since I turn 40 in January!

Since it looks like this only went into the Portland Press Herald, here’s the text of the profile:

Love of family, trust in God, positive thinker and an unparalleled focus on getting things done and helping others achieve their goals.

These are just some of the traits that define Marc Pitman, 39, of Waterville, whose skills at writing and speaking have served him well in his travels around the world teaching fundraising and social media marketing.

The married father of three and founder of FundraisingCoach.com has indeed accomplished much and earned the recognition of many, including his latest selection as one of Forty Under 40 in Maine who are making significant contributions in their career and community.

“In such a challenging economic time, many nonprofits have lost a significant portion of their funding. Marc’s work is helping many of these organizations continue to achieve their goals by giving them the tools, skills and ‘permission’ to ask for funding help,” says Lynnelle Wilson, founder and president of Bold Vision Consulting, in nominating Marc, who points to his family – “an amazing wife of 16 years and three wonderful children” – as his proudest accomplishment.

Marc’s drive to get things done also might explain how he’s been able to accomplish more in four decades than many have achieved in a lifetime, such as “international speaking, pastoring a church, managing a gubernatorial campaign, writing books, teaching at the college level and raising millions of dollars for charity,” he said.

“The mission of his business is helping nonprofit and philanthropic organizations become self-sustaining,” says Wilson. “Outside of his business, he is very active in his local and statewide community. He’s actively involved in making Maine a better place by getting involved managing political campaigns (Peter Mills) and serving on area boards like the Mid-Maine United Way and actively serving the local public libraries. In fact, his third book Ask Without Fear! for Librarians is inspired by his work with Maine librarians.”

Here are just a few other notable achievements, according to Wilson:

• His book, “Ask Without Fear!” has sold more than 4,000 copies
• His blog is listed as one of the top 10 nonprofit blogs in the world
• Having the Association of Fundraising Professionals list his “The Rule of 3′s” (on nonprofit marketing) as one of the top 10 downloads of 2010 and another articles is in the top 10 downloads of 2011
• Speaking around the world, including Bermuda, and a three-week book tour in New Zealand while also speaking across the U.S. and Canada as well as in Maine, especially to Rotary Clubs across the state
• One of the co-founders of www.501MissionPlace.com, an international community for leaders of social change.
• Being featured in FundraisingSuccess magazine, in the UK’s Fundraiser magazine and on About.com
• The global fundraising coach for this year’s international Twestival fundraising event
• Getting listed on IMDB for his “Ask Without Fear!” DVD training

Marc has had a number of mentors in his life, people who have had a lasting impact such as his parents, his first boss in fundraising, Bob Grinnell, and David Dunlop, “one of the most famous people in the field of philanthropy you’ve never heard of,” and his wife – “She has an amazing ability to inspire me, whether that inspiration is a word of encouragement or a kick in the pants.”

Marc draws inspiration from not only his family, but also from his religious convictions and beliefs. “Jesus. As cheesy as it sounds, I owe everything I’ve accomplished to Him. I’ve dedicated my life to discovering how He’s created me and being the best I can in honoring His trust. I could go on and on, but I’ll just say He has had the most impact.”

Still, even with all that he’s involved in, Marc finds time to enjoy the good life at his favorite place in Maine – Waterville, his home, where he often can be found enjoying a book and a satisfying cup of coffee, brewing his own beer, or singing out loud in the car.

“If you see me in a car, I’m probably singing ’80s tunes loud enough to embarrass my family.”

Looking to the future, in 10 years Marc would like to be known as “the Tony Robbins or Tom Peters of fundraising training.”

“There are so many amazing causes that are struggling simply because well-meaning volunteers don’t know how to fundraise effectively. As a certified Franklin Covey Coach, I love helping people discover their potential and design their lives around it. Having a larger platform will allow me to help more people fully fund their cause.”

Some Jehovah’s Witnesses are canvassing our neighborhood. And if I had a drawbridge, I’d pull it up. So I’ll just have to settle for being glad our doorbell is broken.

Our neighborhood is on some sort of list. We regularly get Jehovah’s Witnesses and Mormons knocking on our doors. While I can appreciate their discipline and commitment, it still bugs the tar out of me.

As I was just pondering this, the mailman came. My knee jerk reaction? I wanted to rush to the door to meet him.

What does the mailman have that the Jehovah’s witnesses don’t?

My reaction shocked me. I know most of what the mailman is junk mail. So why do I want to greet him at the door when I shrink from the others?

Here are some thoughts:

1. The mail man is bringing me something I’m interested in
   I’m willing to forgive the junk mail for the potential of some hope of something I’m interested in. More than willing, I’m eager. It’s the same eagerness and expectation when the UPS truck or FedEx truck drives up to our house. The promise of something new and exciting.

2. I know the mail man
   Sort of. Ok, I don’t know his name but we do talk from time to time. And I definitely try to say “thank you” when I see him. And he never pitches me on anything, we just are pleasant with each other.
3. He’s welcome and expected
   My time with my family is limited. But I have a tacit arrangement with the mailman: he comes every day except Sunday. In fact, when we didn’t get mail we called the post office the very next day! It’s not just the mailman. Yesterday, three neighbors dropped by while I was working on the front porch. All those visits were enjoyable. They were people I knew. They were welcome. These other door-to-door people aren’t expected nor are they welcome.

I don’t personally have anything against the Jehovah’s Witnesses or the Mormons. I have friends in both. There are plenty of Protestants that go door to door too. And political campaign folks. I feel the same irritation with them all.

Personally, when it comes to matters of faith (or most anything else) I’d prefer to be the mailman.

Hilarious! The FedEx truck just drove up while I was typing. My son’s new scooter is here. Gotta go!

Out of all the ones I’ve made so far this year, the March Steak & Guinness pie has been my favorite. So I decided to make it again, but this time with bacon!

Here are the ingredients:

1.5 lbs New York sirloin (sort of diced)
3 onions sliced
Sprig of rosemary
6 cloves of garlic – minced
2 sticks celery – finely sliced
2 carrot sticks – finely sliced
6-8 baby portabella mushrooms – sliced
1 bottle Guinness Extra Stout
1 heaping tbsp flour
1 cup beef stock
1 cup of crushed up bacon
2 cups shredded white cheddar cheese

You brown the meat and sautee the onions in a pot. Then you add the other ingredients to make a nice stew. (But only add enough of the beef stock to just barely cover the meat.)

Than you cook the stew in the oven at 350 degrees F for a couple hours. Then you add half the cheese and mix it. Finally, pour it into the pie crust, top with the rest of the cheese, then bake at 350 for another 40-45 minutes.

Viola! Not only does your house smell great, you get a great tasting pie.

I just finished being off the grid for 52 hours. Yep, no Google+. Or Facebook, or Twitter, either.

And I survived.

In fact, I highly recommend trying it.

Honestly, I freaked a little before hand. Having an internet connection seemed incredibly important. As I drove away from our house, I heard myself thinking thoughts like, “What will happen to Fundraising Coach? What if people want to hire me? What if I don’t answer an email or tweet all Friday?”

That’s when I knew I needed the break.

We all have triggers. One of my “I need to get out of this place” triggers is when I think my job will completely end without my hourly nurture. When I think that the world really does revolve around me, I know something is incredibly warped. So it’s great that I got to get away!

Looking back on the weekend, the lack of internet connection was sort of releasing. But what was really distracting, a complete surprise to myself, was not having brought a book along! *sigh* I got over that too. (And picked up the second Bourne book at a local bookstore on Saturday afternoon!)

I’ve now checked into Google+, Facebook, and Twitter. I am grateful for the connections. But I also love hanging out with my family by a fire and getting to look up at leaves like these.

I encourage you to try unplugging between now and the end of August. If you’re of the camping persuasion, I highly recommend a few nights at Peaks-Kenny State Park here in Maine. But if you do, go for 3 nights. Two wasn’t long enough.

Went to the store today. When I came back to my van, I found a note on my windshield.

It said

You will go TO HELL if you park so close to me ever again

Despite the obvious pun on my license plate “I WILL GO” (ironically based on a Christian worship song), the anger in the note was palpable. [More ironically, it was written on note paper from the Humane Society!]

As I walked the note to the trash can, I started seething. How dare anyone write a note like that! Especially when I was right in the center of the painted lines of my spot! I wasn’t sure who’d put the note there, but I started trying to figure out who was to blame.

Then I remembered Zig Ziglar’s story about kicking the cat. You see I grew up listening to Zig. And he had a great story that went something like this:

A man is angry because he got a late start for the office so he drives like a maniac and cuts off Frank. This ticks Frank off so when he gets to his office, he snaps at his assistant about a report at that is late. His assistant is now upset that the person responsible for the report, Joe, is making her look bad to her boss so when she calls Joe, she takes out her anger on him. Joe gets the report but is upset all day. He’s still upset when he gets home. His cat, who’s has nothing to do with Joe’s day, bumps the door and Joe, in his anger, ends up kicking the cat.

Don’t Kick the Cat

The cat had nothing to do with Joe’s bad day, or the assistant’s stress, or Frank’s being upset, or the first guys getting a late start to the day. But the cat takes the brunt of that frustration.

Zig’s point was that at any point in the chain of events each of the people had a choice over their attitude. They could choose to react in kind, or respond more positively.

Each of us have the choice to not kick the cat. To not pass on the negative crap we get by hanging around people like us.

Obviously this lady was having a rough day. I’ve never received a note like that. Think of the effort involved in finding the Human Society note pad, finding my license plate, and hand writing such a venomous note. She must’ve been fit to be tied.

And really…it had nothing to do with me.

Sure, it was wrong. But did my kids really need me to lash out at them as I’d been lashed out at? Obviously not.

So I tried making up a story in order to fight of the anger that kept trying to get me. I decided it was the woman who’d parked into my space and went into the cell phone store. I know how frustrating that can be. And I tried imagining what happened to her on the way to the store and why those people did what they’d done.

Because, her anger really had nothing to do with me. And I didn’t want to kick the cat.

Let me tell you about a dream I had last night.

I wanted to get a burger at 5 Guys. I’ve never had one from there and a new 5 Guys had opened up in our city.

When I went there, it was packed. The line wasn’t out the door, but it might as well have been. I don’t like lines like that. They get stressful and people often get mean. So I started strategizing.

I decided to step outside, call in my order from my cellphone, and relax while it was being prepared.

The problem was…I didn’t have my cellphone. I wracked my brain to figure out where I left it. I also tried figuring out who I knew that would let me use their office phone to make the call.

As I was looking up to get the 5 Guys number off the sign, I realized I already had a burger. And I’d eaten half of it!

I’d been so focused on the seeking, that I hadn’t even realized I’d been munching on my burger. Somewhere along the way, I’d accomplished my goal. But I had such tunnel-vision, I missed it.

Sometimes success isn’t about the journey

I blogged about the fundraising implications of this dream over at FundraisingCoach.com. But I really think this dream is about life.

It got me wondering: am I so focused on building my business and helping others that I am not realizing I already have achieved some of my goals.

Self-employment is amazing. The most exhilarating thing I’ve done, and the scariest. There’s no HR office to work with, no regular paychecks, no planned vacation days. Nothing happens financially unless I start it.

It’s easy to get so focused on building the business that I forget how much has been accomplished. I get so focused on getting the hamburger, I fail to see the one in my hand. And if I do recognize it, I’m too busy worried about where the next hamburger will come from to enjoy the one I have.

They say that success is a journey, not a destination. But sometimes it is a destination…at least a rest stop on the journey.

An invitation

I think this dream was an invitation for me. An invitation to enjoy what I have, savor it, cherish it. Family, friends, things, all of it.

I don’t have any formula for this recognizing and enjoying these rest stops. But I think that knowing they exist will help. It’s like GI Joe used to say, “Knowing is half the battle!”

How about you? How do you recognize and enjoy your accomplishments?